I've moved from depression to anger.
I'm not "nice" anymore. Not right now, anyway. Maybe later. Or maybe my anger is actually a good thing.
I'm honestly not sure yet.
Maybe part of my current state of mind is a reaction to the general lack of civility in the world currently. Kids in cages here. New fascists in Italy (oh why did I spend all that time learning Italian?). Putin and Trump kissy-face. Rallies of ignorant, angry, hateful people under the guise of patriotism.
Yeah, it gets to me. Anger and incivility are contagious.
So now when Rick and I are on the tandem, I've stopped saying "excuse me" to people walking in the bike lane. And I've started yelling "THIS IS A BIKE LANE!"
It's understandable - I've been knocked off the tandem twice avoiding pedestrians, and the second time I was hurt fairly badly. But I didn't yell at anyone then until I was on the ground.
I am now yelling preemptively.
I'm tired: of people bumping into my cane and sending me off balance, of rushing by me much too close so I have to freeze in my tracks, of coming at me 5 abreast on the sidewalk and making me move over or wait.
Of taking their privilege of ability so for granted.
It's pissing me off.
So, at least for right now, I'm not smiling and pretending that I'm the one in the way. Causing an inconvenience. I'm not wistfully, quietly begging that someone will give me a seat on the subway. I'm not "I'm so sorry, but I really need a bag for this, as I only have one hand free". I'm not saying "Oh. Sure. I guess I could handle that" when I'm really thinking doing that will have me in muscle spasms all night!
So, at least for right now, I'm not nice anymore...